Defining Greg Sanders
by csijenniferlynn
Summary: The members of the Vegas crime lab teamed up to create a memorable birthday gift for Greg as he celebrated his thirtieth birthday. The gift is a homemade dictionary with word submissions by all our favorite characters that describe Greg.
1. The Gift

Notes: This fic is a whole lot of fluff. All of our favorite CSI characters are involved in this story, but it revolves around Greg and a birthday gift created for him. I hope you enjoy reading this. Please review!

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"Hey, hey, Greggo! Happy thirtieth, man!" Nick greeted Greg with a clap on the shoulder as a whole slew of fellow Vegas crime lab employees followed him into the break room where an unsuspecting Greg Sanders had just poured himself a steaming mug of coffee, the first mug brewed from the birthday bag of Blue Hawaiian he had treated himself to. Hot coffee splashed onto the floor as Greg hastily set his mug back on the countertop; the arm belonging to Warrick that had been slung around his shoulder made it a bad idea to hold onto his brew, not to mention the fact that he was being accosted by what seemed to be every member of the lab… Catherine and Sara both kissed him on the cheek, Archie pulled a "The Todd" impression and yelled, "Birthday five" as he nearly broke Greg's wrist giving him a high five, Wendy hugged him, others clapped him on the shoulder much as Nick had done, and even Grissom moved in to comment, "Welcome to the adult world, Greg" with a smile on his face.

Before Greg even had time to respond, Catherine had whipped a cake seemingly out of nowhere, lit the two candles shaped as a 3 and a 0, and led everyone in a rousing, entirely off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday." Nick and Super Dave, arms over each other's shoulders, finished the song a few measures behind everyone else; they had ritarded the last line, and everyone both cringed and laughed as they finished howling, "Haaaaaappy tooo-oooo-oooo yoooooooooooooou!"

"Wow, guys, that was lovely. Spectacular really. So great I think you woke Mr. Fisher up from the dead… Doc, you might wanna go pull him out of the freezer!" Greg cracked himself up with his wit; he elicited a couple of giggles from his comrades as well.

"Yo, Greggo!" Nick interjected. "Candles, man. Blow 'em out." Sara nudged Greg toward the cake and he made a production out of blowing out the two measly candles by using six breaths to do so. Red in the face and smiling at his own antics, Greg said, "Hey, guys, thanks. I really wasn't expecting this. It's just another day, you know."

Catherine answered with, "It's not every day one of our favorite CSIs turns 30, you know. Actually, we all felt we needed to celebrate this big day because it's been a while since any of the rest of us have seen 30!"

"Hey!" Sara mockingly fumed with her hands on her hips. "I'm not that much older than Greg, thank you very much. There's still a 3 at the beginning of my age. Just because you're a dinosaur…"

Sara smirked as Catherine scoffed, "Dinosaur? What the hell? Go on Warrick, tell her I look younger than she does."

"Oh, I'm smarter than that, Cath. I am so not going there!" Warrick was grinning at both Sara and Catherine as he enjoyed the banter between them.

"Fine, well, I am at least still young enough to wield a knife. Hand it over, Doc, I'm cutting the cake."

"Excuse me, but I believe blood spatter analysis is your strong point. Precision slicing is mine. It would _obviously_ be best if I did the honors. Let's see," Doc continued as he raised his eyebrows at Catherine and took the knife to the cake, "I'll start with a Y incision… perfect. All right, hand over the plates. Interesting… the chest cavity generally contains ribs… Oh come on now, who ordered chocolate instead of red velvet? You're ruining my fun!"

Again, everyone was laughing, and Doc placed perfectly cut slices of cakes on the "Big 3-0" paper plates. Mandy and Hodges helped pass the loaded plates around the room, and soon, there was considerably less noise as everyone enjoyed their cake, at least until Wendy stood up to throw her plate away, tripped, hit Grissom's arm, and caused him to drop his cake, which landed icing side down on his shoe.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Wendy held her hand over her mouth as she apologized to Grissom for fear that her barely contained laugh might escape as Catherine handed Grissom a handful of napkins.

"Oh man, that might be the best birthday present of the day; that's was freakin' hilarious!" Greg was laughing at Grissom's plight and Wendy's embarrassment along with everyone else.

"No, Greg, it isn't. This is." Grissom took the opportunity to hand Greg a box. "Go on, open it. I guarantee you that this is the best birthday present."

Everyone was eagerly watching Greg as he tore off the gift wrap, which had to have been chosen by someone other than Grissom. There was just no way Grissom would buy luridly flowered gift wrap; he seemed more of a solid colors or dark plaid gift wrap kind of guy, which made Greg realize Grissom couldn't be the only one in on this gift.

Once Warrick snagged the gift wrap out of Greg's hands, he was left holding a book. The cover read "Defining Greg Sanders: A Dictionary of A Friend with contributions by Henry Andrews, Jim Brass, Warrick Brown, Bobby Dawson, Gil Grissom, David Hodges, Archie Johnson, David Phillips, Al Robbins, Sara Sidle, Wendy Simms, Nick Stokes, Mandy Webster, and Catherine Willows."

Everyone watched as Greg read the title. His face expressed confusion and he looked up at Sara and said, "You guys made something for me?"

"Course." Sara grinned. "I'm thinking about demanding one for my big 4-0, even though I'm probably never going to admit it when I hit that milestone. It's pretty freakin' cool. Way cooler than showering with you, anyway." Sara raised her eyebrows flirtatiously and then winked at Greg, grinning as she referenced one of their more embarrassing moments together.

"Haha, I'll have you know women have been known to practically line up to shower with me. In fact, this one time in college, there were these three girls on my floor who…"

"DUDE!" Nick interrupted. "TMI, buddy. Just open the book already."

Greg obliged and what he saw as he flipped through the pages of the book in his hands astounded him. His friends had created a page for every letter from A-Z with dictionary entries for each letter. It looked as though they had added the reasons behind the terms they'd added on each page as well. Speechlessness was not a phenomenon Greg was overly familiar with, but he had to admit that right then, he really didn't know what to say. He was touched. Really touched.

"Holy crap, guys, I really can't believe you did this for me. This is so awesome! Can I read it at home, though? I mean, I'm sure I just saw "Hot" on the H page in here, and I wouldn't want to read out loud about how Sara has the hots for me. It might embarrass her."

Everyone cracked up and assured Greg that he could indeed further peruse his gift at home, although none of them were fooled by his teasing words about Sara. They all knew he was afraid of getting too emotional about the contents of the book in front of them all and for that everyone was exceptionally grateful. They knew they'd succeeded in making Greg's day and heck, he hadn't even really read any of the entries yet.

Fortunately, the impromptu birthday party had taken place at 6:15am and shift ended at 7:00. Greg left the lab, his gift under his arm, to well-wishes for a great day. Exactly seventeen minutes later, Greg stepped into his apartment, tossed his keys on an end table, and plopped down on the couch to read his new book.

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A/N: "The Todd" is a hilarious character from the TV show Scrubs who delights in giving every other character on the show various types of high fives. I can definitely see both Archie and Greg watching Scrubs. Also, the next chapters will contain the contents of Greg's gift. I hope you're looking forward to reading it!


	2. A

Notes: Here begins the dictionary that defines good old Greggo. I do hope you enjoy this first installment. It might be too fluffy and corny, or it might be pleasantly fluffy and corny… let me know one way or the other. Thanks!

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Greg accidentally crinkled the A page of his homemade dictionary tearing it open so quickly. He laughed out loud as he read the first entry. He should have known.

**A**

**Aberrant: deviating from the ordinary, normal, or usual type**

I think we can all just quit this little dictionary-writing thingy right here. I mean, is there really any better word to describe you, Greggo? So, why are you aberrant? My particular favorite reason would be your propensity for liquid latex. Admit it, you've got a stash of it at home, oddball, and scarily enough, you probably use it even when you don't have a date. Only an aberrant kind of guy would do that. -Nick

**Able-bodied: capable**

For a while there, man, with your crazy-ass hair, God-awful taste in music, and completely lack of organizational skills (how you never blew your own lab up still baffles me), I didn't think you would cut it as a CSI, but you've shown me how wrong I was. You've got some skills. I'm proud to work with you. -Warrick

**Androgynous: possessing both male and female qualities**

So sorry, Greg, but you had to know I'd choose something like androgynous to describe you after the feathered, beaded headdress dance you pulled off for me a couple years ago. Oh, and the fact that you freely admit to having a glitter fetish doesn't help in the manly man department. Sara said these definitions could be teasing, so go bug her if you're offended. Love, Catherine

**Audacious: extremely original; without restriction to prior ideas; highly inventive**

Who could ever forget the time Catherine and I walked into your lab as you were "rocking out" with a latex glove on your head and a mask, an extremely creepily colored-on mask at that, on your face. I'm glad you didn't heed my words when I said there was still time for you to become a rock star; this lab would not be the same without your audacity. -Grissom

**Awesome: excellent or outstanding**

It looks like your CSI pals are coming up with all these fancy words (I think they're studying dictionaries at lunch) and here I'm submitting lame old "awesome," but really, Greg, you are awesome. I think you're awesome because you're nearly always happy and friendly and I think you're awesome because you make everyone laugh while still doing outstanding work. –David (Super Dave, not Hodges… you know his submissions are going to be a bit more long-winded than mine)

Greg rolled his eyes at the mere thought of what Hodges' definitions were going to be, but shut his homemade dictionary instead of browsing further to uncover Hodges' entries. He smiled for what seemed like the millionth time since everyone had thrown him his little impromptu birthday party at the lab. He leaned back into the sofa's cushions and stretched luxuriously. It had been a long shift and even though daylight was relentlessly shining through his windows, it was bedtime for a certain grave shift CSI. As he folded his lanky frame comfortably into the contours of the couch cushions, he closed his eyes and thought of how he got to read the "B" chapter of his gift when he woke up. He considered skipping sleep and just reading the whole dictionary right then and there, but he knew his mom would be calling in too few hours to chat his ear off as she wished him happy birthday. _Ah, well, at least I'll get to read one more chapter before Mom calls. This is the coolest freakin' birthday present ever!_


	3. B

Notes: Thanks for reading Defining Greg Sanders! I think Greg's character is just fantastic and whenever I watch an episode of CSI, I find myself constantly thinking of words to describe him, which eventually led to this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter; please review!

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Greg woke up from his nap thinking about how weird it was that he called his sleep napping because he slept during the day, but it really had to count as "sleeping" because it's not like he got to sleep at night. _Curious. I'll have to ask Sara if she "naps" or "sleeps." Maybe it's just me using a toddler-friendly word. Hmm, what should I eat? _As he tried to decide between the large slab of birthday cake that had he had gladly taken home from work and something a little more healthy, he caught sight of his dictionary. Completely forgetting about food, he grabbed it and opened it up to the B page.

**B**

**Bizarre: markedly unusual in appearance, style, or general character and often involving incongruous or unexpected elements; outrageously or whimsically strange; odd**

You are distinctly bizarre, Greg, but I love you for your bizarreness. I miss your days as a lab rat; I loved coming to work every night knowing that you'd make me laugh as soon as you walked in the door, either with green hair or a tacky shirt, a joke about a panda bear or a porn star, or a demonstration of the Moon Walk or the Limbo. Only you. Love, Mandy

**Blessed: divinely or supremely favored; fortunate**

Yes, Sanders, you truly are blessed to have friends like us. It's not just anyone who can say they have friends who are there for them at any hour of any day, especially during those trying nighttime hours. It's not just anyone who can say they have friends who can analyze and correctly draw conclusions from minute pieces of evidence or even simply pronounce a phrase like "Raman Spectrometer." It's not just any guy who can say he works for the second best crime lab in the country, serving on the team that literally has the best solve rate in the entire nation. You are a blessed man. Sincerely, Hodges

**Bonkers: mentally unbalanced; mad; crazy**

Yep, it's true. Don't even deny it. You're completely bonkers. No sane man would actually wear a feather boa and heels around the lab, claiming to be "getting into the vic's head," when we all know that in reality, you just like strutting around here like a peacock. Plus, you were definitely bonkers when you ran a tox panel on purple Kool-Aid. –Henry

**Brave: possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance**

The first time I really considered you a brave man was when you walked back into your lab after having been blown out of it. It was hard to watch you suffer through that first day back, and I admired you for dealing with the physical and emotional pain so well. You've proven yourself brave time and time again in the field, but the time that stands out most to me is the worst one to remind you of- the time you saved the man from being beaten to death at the cost of almost being beaten to death yourself. I was so proud of you for being so brave. Love, Sara

**Brilliant: having or showing great intelligence, talent, quality, etc.**

I figured I'd better be nice after my "a" entry. I'll admit that after meeting you the first time, I was completely shocked to find out that you graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Stanford; I remember reading your file and snorting out loud (don't tell anyone I admitted to snorting). Grissom overheard me, looked over my shoulder at your file, and commented, "He's also an Eagle Scout and was captain of his high school's chess club." The excited gleam in his eye when he mentioned chess settled it in my mind- no matter how crazy Grissom seemed to think you were, he never questioned your intelligence. You never did cease to amaze me with your ability to conduct fake symphonies while not only completing your job requirements in your DNA lab, but also improving the methodology behind several of the tests and procedures. You know you're an asset to our team in the field in every way, but when you first joined us, I learned quickly to respect your mind- you're almost as much a walking encyclopedia as Grissom, especially when it comes to Old Vegas. Love, Catherine

Greg was still busy laughing at all the memories his friends had brought up on the B page when the phone rang. _It must be Mom calling to wish me Happy Birthday. _He set his dictionary aside, but was looking forward to perusing the next chapter or two as soon as he could talk his mom into hanging up.


	4. C

Notes: Thanks for sticking with Defining Greg Sanders! I'm blessed to have readers like you all. I hope this work never gets redundant. The chapter format will surely be repetitive, and some of the words will possibly be very similar (brilliant, intelligent, and smart for examples), but hopefully, the stories behind the word choices will be original and funny throughout the dictionary. Please let me know how I'm doing. Thanks!

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"Yeah, okay, Mom, I'll make sure I bleach my socks. Believe it or not, I am actually aware of the properties of bleach… Yeah, I know, I already promised you I'd check the mail today… Yeah, I'll call you when I get your gift… Okay, say hi to Dad for me… Love you, Mom. Bye." Greg sighed and rolled his eyes exasperatedly as he got off the phone with his mom. _Bleach kills your stinky feet germs, Greg, dear. You should bleach your socks. Geez, Mom. I'm a chemist. _ Smiling at how overprotective his mom was, even when they lived in different states, Greg opened the fridge, pulled out the slab of birthday cake sitting on the middle shelf, grabbed a fork, and dug in as he read the next chapter in his dictionary.

**C**

**Californian: a native or inhabitant of California**

Being Californian is something you and I share. Santa Monica, my hometown, is, of course, a much better town than your hometown of San Gabriel, and I am convinced that your parents took you to LA considerably too often, seeing as you developed a rather large flair for the dramatic, but even so, I will admit to sharing this trait with you. –Grissom

**Carsick: ill with carsickness**

I am never going to let you live it down, man! I still cannot believe you hurled all over my Denali and all of our evidence bags. I am still never going to let you step foot into my personal car. I wanted to kill Grissom for making me help you clean off the evidence bags, too; that was almost as nasty as working a human soup case. You know I made Grissom promise not to put me on any 3 hour drive cases with you after that, right? -Warrick

**Chivalrous: considerate and courteous to women; gallant**

Your mom did a good job with you. I've been on the receiving end of your chivalrous actions many a time, and I've always appreciated your kindness. It's nice to know that if I'm trying to get through a door while holding three trays of test tubes, you'll actually get the door for me (unlike a certain Trace tech I know). I've also seen how you often carry Sara's or Catherine's evidence or field kits in for them when you've been working a case together, and that's just sweet of you. –Wendy

**Cocky: arrogant; pertly self-assertive; conceited**

Why does "cocky" describe you, Greg? Does "I am the MAN!" or "I am the supreme ruler of the universe!" clue you in? No? How about "My superior double helixes would make any woman want me to father her children"? It's a good thing your cockiness is tempered with hilarity; otherwise, working with you and Hodges together could be classified as a form of torture. -Bobby

**Creative: resulting from originality of thought, expression, etc.; imaginative**

No one could ever say you're not creative, Greg. Although I wanted to take my sternal saw to you for setting up that fake tarantula to tap dance out of the freezer door when I opened it looking for a DEAD, _HUMAN _body, after I got over wanting to kill you for causing me to have a near heart attack, I had to give you points for creativity. Then there was that time you convinced David to lay on the slab under a sheet and rise like a zombie at me when I tried to lift the sheet… again, nearly heart-attack provoking, but certainly creative. Yours, Doc

"Oh man, I forgot about that tarantula! I really am hilarious!" Amusing himself with recollections of the "C" page incidents, Greg meandered down the hall to his bathroom. He needed to grab a shower before Papa and Nana Olaf called to wish him happy birthday. He figured he'd use his time in the shower to plan his next "creative," "near heart-attack" provoking joke on Doc Robbins.


	5. D

Notes: I love my readers! Thanks to all of you! I hope you like the newest installment of the dictionary!

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Clean as a whistle and smelling of Old Spice after his shower, Greg plopped down on the couch in his boxers to read the "D" page of his dictionary before worrying about getting dressed; his gift seemed to be calling out for him to read it.

**D**

**Debonair: courteous, gracious, and having a sophisticated charm; jaunty; carefree; sprightly**

Greg, you are always courteous, even when I have no idea how you can possibly be; it's always nice to work cases with you because I can count on you to speak politely to our suspects when I just can't. You help keep me calm, and I value that. Oh, and you are certainly charming; I really do love your smile (and I know that you're giving yourself a mental pat on the back right now… yeah, yeah, yeah, you finally got me to admit that I love your smile!). Love, Sara

**Demonic: inspired as if by a demon, indwelling spirit, or genius**

First of all, Sanders, I've got to tell you that I'm not all that keen on writing definitions. This feels like doing homework in high school, but you know I'll do anything for Sara, and okay, I'll admit that you've grown on me over the years. Anyway, I agreed to be a part of this dictionary-writing baloney. So here I am, looking up my first word, thinking of how apt it is to call you demonic, when I am floored by the stupid dictionary saying that demonic means inspired by genius… wtf? I decided to use the word anyway because most of the time, I do think your antics are inspired by demons, but I suppose I can admit that some of the crazy things you do are actually a bit genius… like when you figured out that the fake Sherlock guy actually committed suicide by finding the gun up the chimney. That was pretty good. –Brass

**Devious: departing from the proper or accepted way; roundabout**

Sanders, suffice it to say that you have carried a label of "devious" around with you since the day you decided to get the Harkins homicide case thrown out of court because of your use of your own invention to extract DNA from the perp's hair sample. We all agree that your addition of the lysate clarification filter to the spin/vacuum column in the plasmid miniprep machine was brilliant, but why you had to use it on a case before getting your machine cleared by the authorities first, I'll never know. Your devious nature has led, in several cases, to you making our jobs easier, particularly Wendy's as your experimentation generally involves DNA extraction and sample purification, but perhaps you should consider following protocol a bit more often, particularly now that you're a field mouse and are under Grissom's omniscient supervision. –Hodges

**Dramatic: acting or performing in a flamboyant way**

Gee, you think? Do I even need to explain myself? Well, let's see, here are some quotes spoken by your dramatic little self that ought to validate my word choice: "You want a Valium for her?" "Why don't you go talk to the dead-end twins over there?" and my favorite "Shh. I might be looking at the mother of my children here!" I still can't believe you actually tested your date's DNA, man. –Nick

**Dynamical: characterized by force of personality, ambition, energy, new ideas, etc.**

I had to submit this entry after I saw Hodges' "D" word. Don't mind him; he's just jealous. You are definitely a dynamic individual, Greg, and I admire your amazing mind and its ability to improve our DNA extraction and purification methods, and never you mind if you have to break protocol a bit in the process. I also chose "dynamical" to describe you because you have the most wonderfully dynamic personality; do you ever run out of energy? I don't think you even need the caffeine you drink; you're consistently like a brilliant kid with ADHD and no meds! Love, Mandy

_Well, thank you very much, Mandy! And to answer your question, no, I never run out of energy!_ Greg yawned. _Okay, well, I guess I run out of energy as much as the next guy, but I'm glad it doesn't show too much at work. _Thinking about how he was going to have to harass Sara at work about how much she loves his smile, Greg set his dictionary down so he could go get dressed.


	6. E

Notes: Thanks to all who are reading this fic! I am significantly happier with this page than the last, and I hope you enjoy Greg's little dictionary as much as he is enjoying it! Just an FYI in case you don't live in the States: the Energizer Bunny is the mascot for Energizer batteries and in commercials, the Energizer Bunny keeps, "Going, and going, and going." The Energizer Bunny is pink and plays marching band drums.

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_Eh, well, I can read just one more page now. What's that gonna hurt? _Greg had no sooner stood up to go get dressed than he plopped back onto his couch, deciding that hey, it was his birthday after all, and he could do whatever he wanted. And what he wanted right now was to read more of his new dictionary, regardless of the fact that the air conditioning blasting down from the vent directly above his couch was causing Goosebumps to dot his bare skin. Still clad in just his boxers, which he was just going to HAVE to show someone at the lab later due to the fact that they were covered with those giant birthday cakes with a gorgeous woman popping out of the tops of each, Greg flipped to the E page.

**E**

**Eclectic: selecting or choosing from various sources; made up of what is selected from different sources; not following any one system, as of philosophy, medicine, etc., but selecting and using what are considered the best elements of all systems**

I have to admit to being a little jealous of your ability to pull off eclectic without being non-respectable. I really want to see the inside of your closet someday… you must have one hell of a selection of clothes. Do you organize by style? I mean, do you have a section for Hawaiian shirts, one for suits for court appearances, one for lab coveralls and lab jackets, one for spandex, one for rock band t-shirts, and one for feather boas? I also wonder how you manage to have so many hair styles when the bathroom in your apartment is hardly big enough for the toilet to fit in, much less thirty different types of gels and sprays. But hey, like I said, you manage to pull off this crazy eclectic mix of things that make you who you are and yet everyone here respects you… that's cool. –Super Dave

**Effervescent: vivacious; gay; lively; sparkling**

Ha, man, I crack myself up! Maybe I mean "gay" in more than one sense! Ha! Naw, seriously man, you are an effervescent guy if I've ever met one, although I feel a bit "gay" myself for using a word with such a girly definition. I can see Wendy waxing poetic about your charm here; "Greg, you just have such a sparkling personality" or "Greg, your vivacity just makes my day!" I've gotta admit, though, that this word fits you to a "T," literally and figuratively. Who could ever forget the time you literally dipped the tips of the ridiculous spikes in your hair in glitter just to "enjoy the effect?" In another sense, I can play nice here and admit that you really do have the "sparkling" personality you like you claim you have. No one can butter up the old ladies swarming around the crime scene tape to glean information from them like you can. Hell, half the time, your suspects in interrogation can't stand lying to your "charming" face, so they come clean! -Nick

**Efficient: performing or functioning in the best possible manner with the least waste of time and effort; having and using requisite knowledge, skill, and industry; competent; capable**

First of all, I do not "wax poetic" about you; Nick's making me out to be a sappy little princess. Second of all, your efficient nature baffles me sometimes. The way you work is incredible to me. I just do not understand how it is that you can effortlessly decide what needs to be done in what order and get your priorities right all the time. Ecklie's on my case all the time about running my lab more efficiently, but I swear to God, Greg, I am damn good at what I do… I'm just not you. I get the same amount of tests done in the same amount of time that you would have needed to do them, but I can't do a hundred other things simultaneously. How you made fancy diagrams for Grissom in between running each out of a set of swabs is beyond me. How you ever conducted imaginary symphonies or "rocked out" in the lab and still managed to provide whatever information the CSIs requested whenever it is they requested it is still more baffling, and boy do I wish I had been around to see such things… the stories about your lab rat days are just too funny. Love, Wendy

**Endearing: manifesting or evoking affection**

You give us expensive coffee. You bring us donuts. You aren't too afraid to go buy tampons for us when the need arises. You pretended you didn't see Sara's naked body when it was six inches away from yours in that decontamination shower. You bring us flowers. You wear shirts that are so luridly floral that we feel like we're looking at a bouquet when we're near you. You talk to dead bodies. You smile a heck of a lot. You saved a guy's life. Yeah, you're endearing. Love ya, Mandy

**Energetic: possessing or exhibiting energy, especially in abundance; vigorous**

Here's the thing, Sanders… I wanted to put "Energizer Bunny-ish" in here, but Sara said it wasn't a word, so I had to settle for energetic. Sometimes I think you are the damn Energizer Bunny. All you need are the drums. You've already had the pink hair, and I can definitely see you irritating the shit out of everyone at the lab by walking around banging on drums all night. It's a wonder we all seem to like you anyway. –Brass

_Ah, Brass, you know you love me. _For what seemed like the hundredth time today, Greg smiled. He had laughed out loud when Nick called him effervescent. He was totally going to have to rib him about reading a real dictionary to come up with that word; there was just no way effervescent was a resident in Nick's arsenal of vocabulary words, and hey, it was a little girly of him. And of course, he was absolutely going to hit up the costume shop for a big old marching band drum to annoy Brass with at the first possible moment. Tossing the dictionary aside, Greg grabbed his laptop to check out a couple websites to see which store he might find a cheap drum at, and then the phone rang. _Must be Nana. She'll want to wish me a happy birthday. _So far, it sure had been a happy one.


	7. F

Notes: A huge thank you to all of you for your continued support of this fun and fluffy fanfic! I am still thoroughly enjoying writing it. An FYI: "Jeg elsker deg" means "I love you," "Vaere trygge" means "Be safe," and "Ha det" means "goodbye," all in Norwegian.

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"Yo, yo, Papa O! How's the best grandpa ever?" Greg was grinning from ear to ear as he talked to his beloved grandparents on his birthday.

He had already spoken to Nana Olaf for a few minutes, but she had had to pass the phone off to Papa, who had been irritating her so much with his "Tell Greg" this and "Tell Greg" thats that she had griped, "For Pete's sake dear, you just talk to him" and shoved the phone at him.

"Yeah, Pops, I'm doing great. My friends at the lab made me a dictionary with words in it that describe me and it's freaking hilarious. You'd love it." Greg listened as Papa said he'd like to see his gift and that he and Nana were hoping to visit soon. "I've got about a million vacation days saved up, Papa O. I could totally take you and Nana around to see the sights. Who knows, maybe I could even convince you to ride the Manhattan Express with me." After Papa Olaf said goodbye and be safe to Greg, he replied, "Vaere trygge and ha det to you, too, Pops."

Nana Olaf got back on the phone to tell Greg she loved him. After answering, "Jeg elsker deg, too, Nana," Greg hung up the phone. His grandparents really were the greatest.

_I should probably get ready for work. Eh, later. _Greg procrastinated just long enough to peruse the F page in his dictionary.

**F**

**Fantabulous: extremely fine or desirable; excellent; wonderful**

Did you know that fantabulous is actually a recognized word? Here I thought we were just tossing our own little word around the lab, when it's actually recognized in the dictionary? It was invented in 1959. Really? Can you picture your little old Nana walking around saying fantabulous? Whatever. Anyway, I wasn't too thrilled that I had to copy "extremely desirable" into this definition, but Sara said I had to include the whole damn definition because, "It makes it funnier," but let me just say you're not extremely desirable, at least not to me. I know you think you're desirable to just about every chick out there, but well, I don't know about that. Anyway, I think you're fantabulous mostly because it's just a cool word, but also because you make it fun to work at this place. Who woulda thought it could be fun working at a place where I get to watch co-workers dying in underground coffins, stabbings, and the like over surveillance footage? I think the most fun night I've had here because of you was the night when you made me tell Nick he really needed to see the hidden camera evidence from his dead stripper case because I'd found something critical to his case and then made me play the footage we'd made of the stripper moaning Nick's name instead of the suspect's. God that was funny. He wanted to kill you so bad! -Archie

**Feathered: clothed, covered, or provided with feathers, as a bird or an arrow**

I realize that technically, this isn't true, but no one told me I had to be telling the absolute truth with this exercise. I speak, of course, to the time you invaded my morgue with fake wings on your arms, flapping around like a chicken and claiming to be "trying to get into the mind of the killer," who was psychotic and believed he was a hawk setting on his prey when he tore apart the guy on the slab in front of me. –Doc Robbins

**Flamboyant: elaborate or extravagant; florid; showy; rich or brilliant in color; resplendent**

Do I really have to explain myself? You come in here with such crazy Hawaiian shirts and bleach blond spikes that I'm liable to misfire a test shot and kill your sorry ass if you're in my lab while I'm working. –Bobby

**Flirtatious: given to flirtation; expressive of playful sexual invitation**

Ah, well, who could ever forget the time you said, in FRONT of GRISSOM, "You know, this is exactly like a dream I once had, except it wasn't in a garage, and Grissom wasn't watching." I hope your mother reads this, Greg; then, perhaps you'll have the decency to be embarrassed. Anyway, as much as I tell you to get off my back, I do appreciate how special you make me feel (don't tell anyone I admitted that). Love (wait, maybe I should just say, "Your friend," so you don't get the wrong idea here!), Sara

**Funny: providing fun; causing amusement or laughter; amusing**

I know, I know, I picked a lame word again, but you really are a funny guy, Greg. I could probably write a novel detailing every incident that defines you as funny, but in the interest of not feeling like I'm writing a term paper for high school English class, I'll settle for just two moments. The first- the time you nearly gave Doc a heart attack by having me zip you into a body bag for Doc to open. I even knew you were in there, obviously, but I still nearly wet myself when Doc unzipped that bag and you smiled, waved, and said, "What's up, Doc?" The second- the time you fell in the sewage in the culvert we were recovering a DB from and then pulled Catherine down into it with you after she said, "Sanders, you smell like shit" and you answered, "At least I don't smell like shit wearing perfume. Who tries to cover up poop with perfume, anyway?" I thought I was going to die laughing (at least until I thought you were going to pull me in, too). –Dave

Greg dropped his dictionary into his work bag, really wishing he had had the foresight to have Archie videotape the "What's up, Doc?" prank. He really did need to get himself ready for work. Off to his room he went, his dictionary set aside for a little while, but certainly not forgotten. Grissom would just have to deal with him reading it at the lab.


	8. G

Author's Note: Yes, I am aware it's been over two years since I've updated this fic. I had nearly forgotten about it, but set a writing goal for myself this summer and was struggling to come up with ideas to get me to the words written count I've been working toward, and then, I checked my legacy story stats on fanfiction and saw the title of this story, and voila, inspiration. I couldn't wait to get back to this fic. I hope that you won't be disappointed with this installment… I know you've been waiting an inordinately long time for it! Also, the quote in Catherine's entry is from episode 4x16, Getting Off.

CSICSICSICSICSI

Greg pulled into the parking garage at the lab. Before getting out of his car, he pulled his dictionary from his bag and decided it couldn't hurt to read one more chapter before heading into the lab; he was a few minutes early, after all. He settled down comfortably in the driver's seat as he opened his new book to the G page.

**G**

**Garrulous: excessively talkative in a rambling, roundabout manner, especially about trivial matters**

I do believe the conversation went something like this:

Me: All right, what do those look like to you?

You: Semen stains, which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative. Well, I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often this guy changes his shorts, but you know, I knew guys in college who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities before the jock itch and the, uh, aroma, got to be too much, especially if they had a girlfriend who didn't exactly want to find…

Me: Okay, Greg! That's more than I ever wanted to know!

If such conversations as these, and believe me, this was far from the only one like this, don't qualify you as endearingly garrulous, I don't know what would! Love, Catherine

**Gaudy: brilliantly or excessively showy**

I've often wondered how it is that I got the nickname "Gruesome Grissom," but you haven't yet been nicknamed "Gaudy Greg." Why is that? Your tastes in music, clothes, hobbies, reading materials, and conversation starters clearly indicate a tendency toward gaudiness. If I'm gruesome, you're gaudy… end of story. -Grissom

**Gifted: having exceptionally high intelligence**

I know you must be strutting around your apartment at this moment, reading that I believe you to be gifted, but understand, Sanders, that while you and I may not be bosom friends, I can certainly appreciate the education and IQ you've brought to this fine establishment. I know that Grissom particularly values high IQs in his employees, and there are few of us who can truly prove superior in the IQ department, though some of us show our academic talents in a more sophisticated manner. -Hodges

**Gregarious: fond of the company of others; sociable**

Clearly your Mom chose an appropriate name for you? Was she clairvoyant? How did she know she'd brought the world's most gregarious male into the world? Fond of the company of others? Check. Sociable? Double check. I could not believe just how many women you tried to chat up last time you, Nick, Warrick, Hodges, and I hit up Willie's. Then, I spent the night listening to Nick tell stories of your social mishaps and realized you probably didn't hit up as many tables that night as you were typically accustomed to. You kind of freaked me out when I first started here because like most science geeks, I was shy and non-sociable, but you sure aren't likely to allow the rest of us science geeks to behave any more stereotypically than you do! -Henry

**Grouchy: sullenly discontented; sulky, morose, ill-tempered**

So I know everyone's all busy singing your praises- you're so happy, cheerful, helpful, blah, blah, blah, but frankly, dude, you can be grouchy as hell by the time you hit the third shift of a triple. I don't know why it is that Grissom always puts you on surveillance footage on those cases that keep you here for 24 straight hours, but I think it must be because he hates me. Remember that time that you whined for three straight hours in my lab about Grissom brewing the last of your Blue Hawaiian? Remember that time that you made a paper clip chain while we stared at some mind-numbingly dull footage and then practically threw a temper tantrum because you ran out of paper clips at 99 and wanted 100 of the stupid things? Remember the time that you scribbled on my screen with Sharpie (admittedly by mistake because you'd had only 3 hours of sleep in the past 24 and forgot what you were writing on- oh, and how do I know you'd only had 3 hours of sleep in the past 24- easy; you'd been whining about that for the past five hours) and then growled at me for the rest of the shift for it? I remember these things, man. It's a good thing you don't pull triples that often because I like you just fine during single and double shifts. –Archie

_I never realized my name was so perfect for me; I am gregarious, indeed, thank you very much, Henry._ Greg sighed as he stuffed his dictionary back into his bag and headed on into the crime lab, not knowing how long it would be before he'd have another free minute to peruse his gift, but determined to be as garrulous as possible around Catherine during shift. He could always make her squirm with his ramblings!


	9. H

Author's Note: It was lovely to see how many readers the G chapter had, and I was excited to have so many new story followers and favoriters (yes, I know that's not actually a word)! I was a bit sad, though, to not get one review for the chapter, so show me some love with this one!

CSICSICSICSICSI

As luck would have it, Catherine was the first person he ran into when he walked into the lab for the start of shift. Greg grinned when Catherine asked, "So, Greg, have you had a chance to read any of your dictionary yet?"

He responded gleefully in the most garrulous manner he could, "Ah, Cath, I may have perused a page or seven. Did you know that the number seven is the most commonly referenced number in the Bible, that the ancient Greeks believed the number seven was the perfect number, the Arabs built seven holy temples, the Goths worshipped seven deities, the Japanese had seven gods, the Scottish Masons sewed seven tassels on each of their aprons, that our independence from Britain was declared in the seventh month, and that our constitution has seven articles? People here in good old Sin City obviously think seven is their lucky number, seeing as the odds of rolling seven are significantly greater than the odds of rolling any other number, and I guess I'm just feeling like I'm having a lucky day, too, since I've had time to read seven pages of my gift."

Catherine had rolled her eyes repeatedly throughout Greg's lengthy monologue, and retorted, "Feeling garrulous, today, Greg?" with a smirk.

"I know not what you speak of, milady."

Catherine and Greg continued their banter all the way to the break room where they awaited assignment from the boss man who was apparently running late.

Greg sank down onto the rather lumpy couch and said, "Cath, it's been real chatting with you, but I have some reading to do before I get sent out to risk my life for justice."

Catherine rolled her eyes yet again, but left him to his book with a smile. Greg didn't even see her smile; he was already absorbed in his gift.

**H**

**Habitual: of the nature of a habit; fixed by or resulting from habit**

Let's see here.

10:53-10:58pm/Start of shift: You roll in two to seven minutes early just so you have time to find someone to harass before assignments are handed out.

11:00pm promptly: You brew some coffee. If you're feeling generous, want to flirt with Sara even more than usual, or are feeling guilty about something with Grissom, it's Blue Hawaiian. Otherwise, good old Starbucks.

11:02-11:10pm: Depending on when Grissom rolls in for assignment hand-outs, you promptly make some sort of snarky comment to Griss, causing at least one of us to roll our eyes at you.

11:10-11:15pm: Depending on who you're sent out of the lab with, you call "driving," and then whine when you aren't given the privilege. After being denied "driving," if there are three of us on the case, you next yell, "Shotgun," and when that fails, you turn to, "I call radio station!"

Get the point? -Warrick

**Hairy: covered with hair; having much hair**

Need I explain this? All I have to say is: Halloween, Big Foot costume, your attempt at facial hair to complement the costume. -Brass

**Heroic: of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a hero or heroine**

I know I sort of already mentioned this when I chose the word "brave" for the b page, but I couldn't help but bring it up again. Anyway, Greg, you've shown yourself to be heroic on multiple occasions, from the time you responded to the "all crims on deck" page when that bus crashed (yes, I know you didn't feel heroic then, but the fact that you wanted to help, even though you didn't know what you were doing, made you so), to the time you rescued that little girl's cat from a sewer, to the time to pushed that old lady behind you when that crazy whack job came at her with a knife, to the time you saved that tourist's life by breaking up the mob that was beating him. You make me proud and I'm glad to call such a heroic guy my friend. Love, Sara

**Hungry: having a desire, craving, or need for food; feeling hunger**

All I know is that during your days as our DNA tech, I think you ate just as often as you processed evidence. Not only did you eat anything and everything incessantly, you seemed to have superhuman hearing when it came to words that might indicate another one of us was going to pick up food. I swear you heard Mandy mention going on a lunch run all the way in Fingerprints. Not just once, either. Then there were the secret stashes… chocolates in the evidence freezer, coffee beans in a filing cabinet, jellybeans in a beaker, Doritos and Cheetos in the lab coat closet, granola bars and gum in your locker, cans of tuna in Bobby's locker (I never did find out whether or not you ate those or were just being weird by putting them there)… need I go on? -Henry

**Hyperactive: (of children) displaying exaggerated physical activity sometimes associated with neurologic or psychological causes**

The best part of copying this definition into this book was writing the "of children" part. I can only picture you in a classroom as a kid; I kinda feel bad for your teachers! I used to flip out in my head every time you popped into Ballistics because, as you know, a hyperactive kid could kill someone with all the stuff in my lab, and a hyperactive adult could do just as much damage! My heart nearly stopped that time shortly after you'd taken the CSI 1 field job and you were just about to test fire a glock used in a triple homicide when you got distracted by the country song I had playing on the radio and started waving the gun around as you sang. You were trying to get me to sing along until you noticed that I was legitimately concerned and remembered you were flinging a loaded weapon around. Never a dull moment, man. –Bobby

Greg cringed a little at that last memory- he really could have shot a loaded weapon at Bobby, but all's well that ends well; no one did get hurt after all, and Gretchen Wilson's "Here for the Party" was just too good to resist bellowing along with. Just then, Nick punched him in the shoulder; Grissom had shown up and was about to hand out assignments. Greg reluctantly stowed his book behind his back and waiting to find out what kind of case he'd end up with tonight.


End file.
